REAL MEN Give Mehr

Picture this: You are sitting on your new four poster bed, with your bride (also new), being forced to endure “Ye Zindagi hai” or some other such soap on your, yes your new 42 inch LED screen. If you are a man you can probably think up at least three better things to do with the above mentioned three things, right? (yes all three, the bed, the wife and the T.V)

BUT here`s the twist, your wife does not seem to agree, and there`s nothing you can do “cz my daddy paid for all this.” O the shame! Wither manliness?! And all that could have been avoided if you had just listened to God and given Mehr instead of eyeing the old man (who incidentally is also your wife`s father) and his wealth:

“And give the women [upon marriage] their [bridal] gifts graciously. But if they give up willingly to you anything of it, then take it in satisfaction and ease.

(Surah An-Nisa)

“…and lawful for you are (all women) besides those, provided that you seek (them) with your property, taking (them) in marriage not committing fornication. Then as to those whom you profit by, give them their dowries as appointed…” (Surah An-Nisa)

“Marry, even with (a Mahr equal to) an iron ring.”


If you have not figured it out by now, let me spell it out for you. Giving Mehr is one of the pre-requisites of a Muslim marriage/nikah and I mean GIVING it not just penning it down on the Nikah documents and saying, “write whatever you want, who gives Mehr anyway”.:-
“O Prophet! surely We have made lawful to you your wives whom you have given their dowries…”
(Surah Al-Ahzab)

It may only be a matter of pride for urban affluent men but for women from poorer backgrounds (only half of our population) dowry symbolizes much more. People just cannot afford to get married anymore! Girls are robbed of education because their mothers have to save every penny for their dowry from the moment they are born. Hence you see why the birth of a girl child is considered a burden in our poverty-stricken society. In India at one time signboards actually advertised abortions by “Pay xyz amount today, save thousands tomorrow”!! Imagine! Apparently poor parents just cannot afford daughters anymore! Like my teacher says “Our girls have become hostage to dowry”. And where did it all begin? It has its roots in the Hindu culture where women were considered lowly forms of the human species and hence the “larki wale” had to PAY the “larkey wale” to take this “wretched creature” off of their hands. And hence the modern glamorized version when people insist its a gift. Dowry is not a gift. Dowry shames the man and belittles the woman, period. For what kind of a man would take money from a woman? AND what kind of woman would pay her way into a house. <And here we all thought we were the best thing to happen to the universe since the Big Bang, apparently our actions beg to differ>. So what are we all waiting for? For things to get as bad as they are in our neighboring country where 2500 girls go missing every year due to bride burning alone? And we aren`t even counting female infanticide and feticide here…

Bottom-line: Do NOT give dowry, do NOT ask for dowry, period! Even if you own a house next to Birmingham Palace (heck even if you own Birmingham Palace), do NOT set bad precedents in society, do NOT glamorize things that make living difficult for the masses, THINK!

Note to my girlfriends: Mehr is a GIFT, do not try to dictate the amount, do not look towards your father in law for money, nor towards “daddy”. Seriously don`t. Take what dear hubby provides for you, and take it with pride. Or go work 😛
Remember Asia (a.s) and remember poor suicidal Amy Winehouse, remember also that wealth does not buy happiness:


“Richness (wealth) is not in having many possessions, but (true) richness is the richness of the soul – contentment (of the heart)”

(Al-Bukhari, Muslim)

*Inspired by the lectures of Huma Najm ul Hasan*

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5 Comments to "REAL MEN Give Mehr"

  1. yousaf says:

    JAZAKALLAH … buht aala

  2. kaladan says:

    What utter nonsense!

    If it is required by the Qur’an, then surely it is better to give it! Why are you so against the dowry?

    I have no qualms paying my dowry as required to my wife. In fact I feel better in doing so. In fact everyone I know in Malaysia pays dowry to his wife. So I don’t know what the author of the above article is on about. Maybe you have a stick up your ass or something? If you can’t even support a wife, how do you call yourself a man?

    ANd you have yourself quoted that you should pay the dowry to the woman. So why don’t you? Stop taking the verses of the Quran in vain and practice it!

    • malo says:

      asa wr brother the article is FOR the man GIVING dowry (as ordained by Islam) and AGAINST the woman giving it (as is the norm in the indo-pak sub-continent).

      Hope that clears things. I think we have a cultural gap here.

  3. ham says:

    what good is that dowry which do not gives you a submissive wife which imho is almost near to extinction.
    Anyways good job,but still poor ppulace would do whatever they would find feasable just to get there girl married, There has to be a more workable solution to this social evil rather than just a blogpost ,short film perhaps!,despite all the media campaigning and classic tv soups highlighting this social decline , the culture is still very much rampant , specially in poorer semi urban and rural parts of our nation.By Far the educated middleclass regects this medevil concept of dowry but this message has to be made common among the poor of our nation.Apparently Blogposts ,Tv soups and religious teachings are all becoming futile amongst that part of populace which desperately needs this education.So how the poor be educated to uproot this social evil, that is the real question..?
    My take is , the wheel of economics carries the burden of all the goods and all the bads of a society.!

  4. Mahwish says:

    oui i quoted alot of ayaat on mehr in the nikah wala article..but gr8 job..again..=D

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