I have been married a month now alhumdolillah and of course I now consider myself an expert on the subject, believing from the bottom of my heart that the world can now benefit from my infinite wisdom:P
However on a side-note I must say that i have a bone to pick with the media. Having recently become a wife myself, the negative (read boring) images that the media attaches to “wives” in general puts me on edge and makes me grind my teeth every time a free-minutes commercial comes up. Why oh Why are wives made out to look like drab women who cook, clean, sweep, can`t apply make-up to save their life and their sole purpose in that worthless life is to hatch plans to get their in-laws out of the house only?! And why is the other woman always hot with awesome legs to boot? (If a Picture of Katrina Kaif just flashed in front of you, boy you need to get married:P) Even the historically famous Hum-Safar propagates the same idea. Okay before ya all start throwing stuff at me i WILL admit that Mahira Khan does make “boring” look good (but thats the most you are getting out of me, so shoo:P). And to add salt to the wound married couples are shown as boring, staid, who don`t know the meaning of “fun” or “romance” as compared to the un-married lot having “fun” in parks (thank you Maya Khan for promoting the idea that if you are sitting in a park then you must be unmarried).
So it`s ”Boring” versus all-night talkshawk,really?
What do these people think married people do when they are alone?:P
And God Forbid if your wife is a Hijabi and you sport a beard yourself , because then the obvious answer is that they must be reciting Naats together Whereas the Qur`an says:
“And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves that you may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your hearts: verily in that are signs for those who reflect.” (Surah Al Rum 30:21)
The Prophet (S) said: ”When a husband and wife look at each other with love, Allah looks at both with Mercy”
[Bukhari 6:19 & Tirmidhi 14:79]
And the Sunnah is rich with examples of romance:
*Remember that our Prophet Muhammad(S) found the time to go out to the desert and race with his wife Aisha (R).
*Remember that the Prophet (S) said”one would be rewarded for anything that he does seeking the pleasure of Allah even the food that he puts in the mouth of his wife”
*Remember that the Prophet(S) used to extend his knee to his wife to assist her up to ride the camel.
*Remember also the unconditional support Khadijah (R) extended to the Prophet(S).
*Remember how Aisha (R) used to compliment her husband.
*Remember also that she dressed up for her husband even during battle!
Safiyyah Bint Huyyiy (R) narrated, “The Messenger of Allāh(S) went to Hajj with his wives. On the way my camel knelt down as it was the weakest among all the other camels, and so I wept. The Prophet came to me and wiped away my tears with his dress and hands. The more he asked me not to weep, the more I went on weeping.”
[Musnad Ahmad, Vol.6, p. 337]
I love Sister Sadaf Farooqi`s comment on the above narration:
” …he is the epitome of the caring, loving husband – coming to his wife on seeing her upset, wiping away her tears of sorrow, and insisting that she stop weeping. You have to keep in mind that he had all his wives with him during the afore-mentioned journey, yet he became alert when one of them was hurt. He did not ignore her, nor did he brusquely tell her to stop crying to save face before the crowd. He showed concern and love for her publicly.”
Sigh, there is such beauty in Nikah <3
The closest thing to a person (physically) are his clothes, the Qur`an tells us that our spouses ARE our clothes/garments:
“….They are your garments, and you are their garments” (Surah Al-Baqarah; 187)
Then there`s the whole saas/bahu/nand drama played up by our soaps. Its always either the wicked mother-in-law or the conniving wife, either way its all been blown out of proportion. Whereas the Qur`an counts susral (family by marriage) amongst the many blessings of Allah (s.w.t):
“And it is He, Who created man from water: then from him He caused two kinds of kindred, by blood and by marriage.” (Surah Furqan: verse 54)
This verse I think is SO important.
Learn to give a little. Stop thinking of the in-laws as a re-run of “Something wicked this way comes”. Yes your husband is hot, AND he`s your garment and all, AND yes insha`Allah it will be love forever literally (with pious spouses being together in Jannah also) but he`s also someone`s son/brother and in all honesty he was their son/brother first. Really why the insecurity? How will his spending time or money on them “take him away from you” in any way? Have faith in him and your Lord. We all get what is our due and what has been written already, nothing less nothing more, so why fight?
So ladies lets ease up on the soaps and instead read our Quls more often for nazar. And while you are at it you might as well read the last verses of Surah Al-Baqarah also for protection against the sinister arts. Now that does not mean you go all suspicious and start running about looking for voodoo dolls in your closet:P
May Allah protect us and ours!